dear me

Its not that i don't love you, want you & need you. back when i start loosing people that i love.

I build this huge wall so it does not have to be very dear and when its gone its not that bad.

But, u'll never know what inside, along the journey how much it takes for me to be this tough.

I swear.

Did i?

Being in control of our life & having realistic expectations about our day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management..

 which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life =)

c our age

Often we as women nor girls are risk averse and needed the push. Now, more than ever sometimes we might need more seasoned in order to provide that encouragement in our own self, take a risk and to go for it!!

For instances, once a glass ceiling is broken, it stays broken. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.


nota kaki: A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success

Aku nak berhenti kerja ke x

Sebenarnya kalau boleh x nak tulis benda yang sedih2, x ada motivasi dan yang kalau korang baca pun rasa tak ada faedah... Kalau rasa sedih pun, cuba sedaya upaya biarlah orang tak tahu... kalau entry ni buat orang sedih, down, then maknanya im guilty!! sbb buat org lain sedih.. tskk tskk…menyebarkan aura negatif..

okay, after not working for a year.. yes, a year! x percaya ka?? i start kerje dgn ICT company.. sekangkang kera je dr rumah jijie.. =) tapi after few weeks i rasa mcm x boleh nak co-op dgn environmentnya.. the colleagues are sgt best and cheer up.. but, what i mean is satidfaction kerja.. i rasa lost.. i xtau ape yg i buat.. mcm buat bende yg xde hala tuju n no reference..kalau ikut hati nak je resign on da spot sekarang juga n sepatutnya sekarang mengarang resign letter.. Bukannya sibuk mengarang entry blog lagi.. mihmihmih

at the same time, my x boss offer kerja dgn skypark.. im going to say yes!! at last i boleh lari dari sini. tp... i sayang dis compnany environment, the staff, the colleagues and the momment with themm.. =( oohh no!! emositional part has come.. omnomnomnom... 

im thinking n still thinking n thinking.... 

lets do what i should do.. consult with parents and fellow aunties & uncle.. and yes, after a lots of pro n cons, discussion, comparison.. i'm dafting my resign letter..  im leavingg..babai fana, pika, nad, kak jarina, adawiyah, kak ayu n etc korang we'll be missed.. maybe i wont get this kind of people in my new workplace but im sure that i dapat back to my satisfaction.. insyaAllah

i kerja genap 2 bulan.. n im leaving the company, what a short period isn't? people may say lots of things.. tp as long as i tau n happy dgn my decision that should be fine.. doakan i dgn kerja baru okay.. 

nota kaki : dis friday is my last day.. =)

mer mer

andainya mer mer tahu how much mommy rindu mer mer...

dimana dimana

he's been missing again!!!

nota kaki : missin u baby

16 rabiul awal 1437 H = my day !!

kalau ikut bulan islam, 

im officially 29 today =)

Up n down

Nowadays, sgt byk perasaan bercampur baur. Perasaan towards environment n even to myself n sometime mengeluhh.. Its soo not cool! N i wonder why do i feel like dat. gggrrrrrr

B.O.R.E.D did i?

Yes or no 😶 Keep reminding my self dat people always have their attitude n emotions(reminder) but i do feel bored. Am i a bored one?

T.I.R.E.D am i?

Yes!! Definitely im tired of my jobless condtion ite now..😥 penat memujuk diri mencari kerja2 kosong n x de hasilnya. Penat pujuk diri sendiri melayan kerenah org. Penat merasa apa yg i rasa sekarang n paling penat sekali bila kene jaga hati sendiri at moment where people play on ur heart n cond. X cool lgsg okay😓

Haisshh.. Mengeluh lagi, Rasullullah SAW elarang sekerasnya mengeluh, kene semangat n usaha! InsyaAllah pasti ada jalannya.

Dah lama avoid untuk write bende2 yg menjurus kepada ketidakpuasan hati, ke-emotion-an n fefeling2 kat sini. Tp x tau nak speak to whom n how.. I just need to get rid of this so called 'perasaan' thus i x  disturb others woth my so peraonal feling. Tp, mampukah? 😧

Semoga Allah kurniakan kesabaran n kecekalan dlm saat2 mcm ni. Emosi sgt cepat twist and kdg2 rasa x leh handle. Hopefully bende2 ni akan berakhir soooon and when i look back, i could smile and glad with all those hard time i could still be me. InsyaAllah..

IM529 & MH370

Angkatan Belia Islam Malaysia (ABIM) mengecam sekeras-kerasnya hukuman mati yang dikenakan oleh Mahkamah Mesir hari ini ke atas 529 orang penyokong Presiden Mesir yang dipilih secara sah menerusi demokrasi, Dr.Mohamad Morsi. 

Sesungguhnya hukuman ini merupakan langkah ke belakang yang menjanjikan masa depan yang serba gelap terhadap amalan demokrasi serta rakyat Mesir keseluruhannya.

Hukuman ini jelas merupakan rentetan daripada langkahjy kuku besi yang didalangi oleh regim pemerintah Mesir untuk mengukuhkan cengkaman kuasa mereka. Cengkaman itu meliputi memberikan kuasa yang lebih besar ke atas Supreme Council of the Armed Forces (SCAF) yang bertindak menafikan samasekali kebebasan serta hak rakyat Mesir untuk bersuara!

ABIM menilai hukuman mati yang dikenakan itu merupakan campur tangan regim pemerintah untuk menakut-nakutkan rakyat Mesir menjelang pilihanraya Presiden Mesir tidak lama lagi. Esok, Selasa 25 Mac 2013, seramai 700 lagi saki baki daripada kira-kira 1200 para penyokong Morsi pula yang akan dibicarakan atas dakwaan mencetuskan huru hara serta mengancam ketenteraman awam.

Usaha untuk memusnahkan gerakan Ikhwan Muslimin yang bergerak serta berdiri di atas dukungan akar umbi rakyat Mesir semakin berleluasa dengan 'pembunuhan kehakiman' terhadap 529 mangsa terbaru ini. Tanggapan bahawa hukuman ini hanya bersifat “domestik” serta tidak mencakupi kepentingan masyarakat awam di peringkat antarabangsa seharusnya dikikis. Pastinya kezaliman terbaru ini bakal merancakkan lagi gerakan diktator negara-negara Arab yang kini bergerak aktif memburu simpatisan Ikhwan Muslimin khususnya di Bahrainn, UAE dan Arab Saudi.

ABIM menegaskan bahawa kemelut politik Mesir ini adalah polemik sejagat yang bakal menjejaskan kestabilan politik dunia. Kebangkitan rakyat Mesir merupakan simbol kebangkitan demokrasi berinspirasikan rakyat yang tertindas. sejak sekian lama. Sikap membisu serta menutup mata masyarakat antarabangsa merupakan pengkhianatan terhadap demokrasi itu sendiri!

Oleh itu, ABIM menggesa rakyat Malaysia serta masyarakat antarabangsa untuk menyuarakan secara lantang tentangan mereka terhadap kezaliman ini. Demi ke arah memartabatkan Demokrasi, Kebebasan, Serta Karamah Insaniah rakyat Mesir dan umat secara keseluruhannya. We Are All Ikhwan (Kita Semua Adalah Bersaudara). 

Amidi Abd Manan, Presiden, Angkatan Belia Islam Malaysia / Muslim Youth Movement of Malaysia (ABIM)

2 berita sedih... 

MH370 berakhir di lautan hindi.

IM529 berakhir di tali gantung

MH370 mungkin mengorbankan 227 penumpang

IM529 akn mengorbankan 529 sbg syuhada'

MH370 mendpt perhatian dunia

IM529 tidak mendpt perhatian dunia

MH370 tidak diketahui motif ke lautan hindi

IM529 bermotif zalim ke tali gantung

MH370 diketuai oleh pilot yg hebat kapten Zaharie..

IM529 diketuai oleh mujahid ulung al mursyidul am Ikhwan Muslimin Dr Badi'....

Takziah buat keluarga MH370&IM529...

Al-Faatihah.....

Period Part 2

waaa... baru perasan post ni x terpost.. padahal dah tersimpan dlm draft lama dah.. phewww pheeww berhabokk =)

After balik from OnG tu, die suggest i makan EPO.. n of course all the cost my mom yg tanggung.. n it doesnt stop there.. start dr jumpa O&G tu, mmg berulang alik hosp selang 3 bulan.. she did ask me tuk makan ubat hormon insead of EPO.. so, i akan makan ubat tu in 3 month time, after that stop for next three month.. during that time, mmg hidup dgn pills and supplements but i x give up sbb i nak period every month! dats my aim.. tp period still x datang every month.. its only come every couple of months tp its teratur n dts make me happy.. a happy i am at dat time =)

but, it still x make me recover fully.. so, bila period x dtg dlm masa 3 month yg makan ubat tu, again i pergi jumpa O&G back.. thank god doctor tu jenis yg support and explain to me in details.. bila u x dtg period, mksdnya ur hormom is not stable, ur ovari could produce an egg and most probably u akan ada masalah untuk get pregnant when u get married.. i was shocked! sapa x nak pregnant n having a baby kan?? so, what i shall do?? i rmember at that time, i was shaking and sad.. but the doc again explain it to me.. its not us, the doc who can guarantee whether u ca have baby or not.. its God (she did say god, as my doc is buddhist) and thats make me smile againn=)

i did continue consuming the pills dr i form 4 sampaila i masuk u.. roughly about 10 years!! give up x yah cakaplaaa.. sentiasa nak give up but im thnakfull sbb my ibu n close friends yg tau masalah i support.. even kakak housemate masa kat uitm pon support n itu antara penyebab i x jadi nak give even kadang2 give up sbb bosan makan ubat..=p  

masa i kat uitm, doc did as me tuk datang on my 3rd day of period.. nak scan PCOS.. what is PCOS.. kita sambung next la eh.. wannna have my sleep nak koje besok!!! jauh nak travellll

Nota kaki : ibu slalu ckp, jgn give up sbb sakit ateh ni sikit je banding ape yg org lain alami.. so, dats part of the reason i kekal positive n x give up on my life.. part 1 kat sini

choices

if u look for the bad, u'll find it
if u look for the good, u'll find it
we always have a choice between 2 realities

positive & negatives
good & bad


Nota kaki: in reality we invest our energy in is the one in which we exist 

All u have to do is choose

Mati

perih menggores hati.

tawa seharian terbungkam mati.

terbunuh sepi.

terasa letih si kaki tuk berdiri..

harus jua ku langkahkan kaki..

Kemana? Mencari..

Kanan dan kiri..

Sunnguh aku x pasti..

Sejauh jalan terasa berduri..

Namun sepi..

Dimana dapat ku gapai hati nurani,

Di hulu dunia? 

Mungkin jua tidak akan ku temui..

Jawapan yg hampir pasti..

Jauh!

Tertinggal di hujung mati

Amarah di dada pun kian menyulut

Tiada parasut

tanpa pembalut.

Lepaslah aku, fikiranku yg serabut.

Mungkin bisa aku hidup

Ketemu cinta hakiki

kembali berlutut dan bersujud

Dan takkan ku biarkan niatku surut

KeranaMU aku bersujud..

Foot note: apa kamu fikir?

otak vs hati

i wonder why the grass is green & why the wind is never seen
who taught the birds to build a nest & told the trees to take a rest
when the moon is not quite round & where can the missing bit be found
who light the stars & when they blow out & makes the lightening flash about
who paints the rainbows in the sky & hangs the fluffy clouds so high

nota kaki :

Beda bukan

Kadang2 x tahu..
Mana yg betul,
Mana yg salah,
Kenapa marah?
X bolehkah teguran dgn cara yg betul?
Perlukah semua mengikut kehendak kita
Manusia...
Ragam n sifat
Semuanya beda..
Kau dan aku
X kan sama..

Satu..
Hormat..
Ragam mungkin berbezaa
Tapi sifat..
Itu semulajadi diri mereka
Berckp itu senang..
Buktikan!

pulang

Asssalamualaikum, 

hey, hello,hi u awesome people!! its been ages it seems since i last updated my blog =) well, basically its been more than 2 months since my last x best update.. i feel I’ve neglected due to my hectic responsibilities each day... weekk =P 

I am trying to be as energetic as possible.. to be extremely positive now.. just pass SIRIM audit and today I thought of just sharing some of my personal experience / encounters / stories tht i’ve had the past few months...

laugh, mad, sad, excitement, grumpy, n the hard part is when u down.. its not that easy to cry, but i have u really experience crying for something you think is out of this world & is in your heart? it's beyond ordinary but its do gives a great content feeling to our heart.. this is when u found what u have been missing all this while.. the unexplainable.

life seem likes a burning candle.. what is left by a burning candle is just ashes from melted wax.. what is left from a broken soul is just a last tear drop from a broken spirit.. and spirit is what we =)

the sun do rise everyday.. the sun shines around us, gives us light, gives us many graet days.. but, in the end the sun that we own is in us. Our heart should shine everyday to create the best light in our soul.. we are happiness within u.. 

nota kaki : setiap kali kita berfikir, kita berada di dalam ruang itu... Itulah dunia kita yang lagi satu

Period Part 1

sebenarnya ini masalah saya dari mula2 akil baligh lagikk.. sejak dari anak dara lagi period saya x teratur.. masa form 2 which is 14 years old ive got my 1st period and yg second datang a year after which masa i form 3! imagine, setahun sekali.. tp masa tu x kisah sgt.. tp masa form 3 tu peliklaa.. sbb my friends ramai yg period teratur.. mcm jeles.. so, once masuk form 4 sy jd memang cuak sebab tak ade period untuk setahun.. so, my mom bawa pergi ke hospital.. 

pergi jumpe doctor & time tu doctor cakap normal lah.. sbb saya stress & i kan remaja. So balik kt umah dengan hampanya.. but, its come with lots of ubat n medication in order tuk make sure my period stable.. but then period datang 2x sebulan.. Again pergi jumpe the same doctor.. masa tu doc tu cakap masalah tu hanya akan solve once i've get married.. and leps tu trus balik without any good explanation from her..

But, instead of that doc, my mom bawa i pergi jumpa OnG trus!! minum air masak byk2 sampai loya to make sure bladder penuh.. then, scan and they notice that my ovari is swollen (my right ovari).. sedih okay!! thats mean, i mmg kne makan ubat yg sgt byk...  

questionnaire

May of us suffer deeply as every single thing sin this whole world has it way. Is it fair fo rus to question our fate n destiny? I dun think so.. Its all qada'n qadar and being stated up there at the Loh Mahfuz. Yes, we may try so hard to make it differ than it should be, but did u know what it should be? Allah S.W.T know and only HIM know that. 


U hope, i hope, all of us hope that whatever we/ve wish for standing in front of us, happen to us. have u ever made the coincidental?? if you had so, ts a dream come true babe!! But for me, every sinle day is a new day for me, live, life, laugh, sad, mad, overreact, annoying and sometime hard to handle. Well, most of the time hard to handle!! 


nota kaki: for HIM who make the best judgement about us

♥ me ♥ U ♥

Nobody kills me like you  
Nobody gets me like you do
Nobody thrills me like you do 
Nobody cares for me like you do
Nobody listens to me like you do
Nobody talks to me like you do 
Nobody holds me like you do
Nobody sings to me like you do
Nobody adores me like you do

But
What makes the most is
Nobody loves me like Allah S.W.T ♥

Hatiku

aku mmg manusia yang lemah.. sgt tak kuat tapi aku sdg cuba utk kuatkan hati sediri sbb aku percaya Allah sentiasa denganku.. bisikan kata-kata manusia sekelling ditambah dunia yg sesak selalu utk melemahkan semangat untuk diri ini berubah.. sgt mudah aku tersasar tapi syukur aku sentiasa mendapat semangat daripada yang tersayang.. keluarga dan mereka yg rapat pasti tahu.. mencuba n terus mencuba mengikhlaskan hati kerana Allah Taala.. titisan air keluar daripada mata sesekali... terlalu byk khilaf dan dosa yang aku buat sepanjang 26 tahun.. kadang2 terasa tidak akan diberi peluang untuk balik ke jalan yang benar..

selalu aku befikir, aku bertudung tapi cukup ke tudung yg membaluti rambutku? aku sdg belajar menutupi auratku supaya sempurna walaupun tidak sempurna saat ini.. Solat, jarang2 sekali cukup 5 waktu sehari semalam.. aku x malu berkata sbb itu diri aku.. tapi sentiasa aku berdoa agar hati ini istiqamah dengan perubahan yg aku rasa perlu pada diri ini walaupun sedikit demi sedikit.. Insya Allah.. 

terbayang saat mendengar kata-kata Ustaz Yusnan dalam slot Feqh Dakwah sangat membuka hati aku.. "Antara memakai tudung dan solat, mestilah kita ingatkan tentang solat dahulu." 

saat membaca nota2, terjumpa sabda Rasullullah S.A.W,

"Cukuplah bagimu empat wanita terbaik di dunia iaitu Maryam bt Imran, Siti Khadijah bt Khuwailid, Fatimah bt Muhammad dan Asiah, isteri Fir'aun" 

                                                                                                      -hadith riwayat Ahmad, Abdurrazaq, Trimidzi, Ibnu Hibban dan Hakim

Ya Allah, ampunkanlah aku. Sesungguhnya aku tidak layak masuk syurgamu, tetapi tidak pula ku sanggup menanggung seksa nerakamu. Kau pimpinlah aku menuju ke jalan orang yang bertakwa iaitu orang yang mendapat hidayah. Istiqomahlah hati ini. Kurniakanlah aku keluarga, kekasih, dan sahabat daripada orang yang soleh dan solehah. Amin...

Nota kaki: Bila dia di hatiku berkata..

Crap!!

Down, dat just suits me now!! U know what i think hurts me most? The facts that ive been replaced n no matter what u did it wasn't enough.. I've no regret but i miss us.. don't get me wrong bestfren, I dont mean us being together as i noe that Allah have planned everything for a reason, i mean like i miss u being so close like our kids, teenage and study life.. Telling each other everythings with no doubt n worries.. 😣