dear me

Its not that i don't love you, want you & need you. back when i start loosing people that i love.

I build this huge wall so it does not have to be very dear and when its gone its not that bad.

But, u'll never know what inside, along the journey how much it takes for me to be this tough.

I swear.

the right person are timeless

Timing is something that none of us can seem to get quite right with relationships
We meet the person of our dreams the month before they leave to study abroad
We form an incredibly close friendship with an attractive person who is already taken
One relationship end because our partner isn't ready to get serious and another end because they're getting serious too soon.

The people we meet at the wrong time are actually just the wrong people
You've never meet the right people at the wrong time because the right people are timeless
The right people make you want to throw away the plans you originally had and follow them into the hazy, unknown future without a glance backwards.
You know that any adventure you had originally planned out for your future isn't going to be half as incredible as the adventures you could have by their side.
That no matter what you thought you wanted before, this is better
Everything is better since they came along.
When you are with the right person, time falls away.
You don't worry about fitting them into your complicated schedule because they become a part of the schedule.
They become the backbone of it.
Your happiness becomes your priority and so long as they are contributing to it, you can work around the rest.
The right people don't impose limits on your time or your dreams or your abilities
They want to tackle those mountains with you and they don't care how much time it takes
With the right person, you have all the time in the world.

The truth is, when we pass someone up because the timing is wrong, what we really saying is that we don't care to spend our time on that person.
There will never be a magical time when everything falls into place and fixing all our broken relationships.
But there may someday be a person who makes the issue of timing irrelevant.
Because when someone is right for use, we make time to let them into our lives.

And that kind of timing is always right =)

mer mer

andainya mer mer tahu how much mommy rindu mer mer...

RIP Hummer

the last time i saw hummer was friday eve while i balik kerja n he was chillin under the rambutan tree looking at me.. dat was weird, sbb selalunya die akan sibuk nak masuk dlm rumah n makan.. but, i was in hurry sbb havin my menstrual.. masuk dlm, mandi then when i start looking and calling his name.. die dah x de.. i tot die pergi clubbin somewhere but still dlm hati berkata2 manalah si mer mer ni pergi..

After a week, numbers of responds from others yg baca poster n flyers kucing i.. at last i dapat satu wassap dr somebody.. He's found hummer!! im so happy ya Allah, akhirnya Kau temukan aku semula dgn hummer..

but, it does not stop there...

He did gave me his home address, less than 100m from my current house.. dat noon, im having my outin withd x jijie, wan and aida distribute flyers.. then pergi lunch thus after that we back home for solat zuhur.. after solat zuhur, we headin to that guy house..

it was not a good news for me.. yes, he found hummer but its hummer's body.. =( ull get me rite? dat man found hummer's body around 9 - 9.30 pm.. hummer was hit by motorcycle (probably) as xde major injured.. his mouth was bleeding and i guess his neck patah kot.. poor my baby =( i was soo sad and was cryin all the way from my house to his house.. n die pon show me the picture yg die captured to proof that.. hes very sure that the cat was someone sbb the cat was so cantik, big and u no..

im grieving rite now.. hummer is my 1st baby.. its hard to loose him, mcm cepat sgt die pergi n leave me.. i still terbyg2 muke die pandang i dat evening.. mommy minta maaf sbb  xpanggil mer mer masa tu.. mommy harap mer mer maafkan semua salah mommy kalau mommy suke picit2, hugs and kissin u while u x redha.. how much mommy syg mer mer and i do hope u'll rmember me.. although Allah dah ambil nyawa mer mer, ull always be in my heart insyaAllah.. ull teach me so much about being a good mommy to u, person, daughter and resposibility.. mungkin, setakat ni jer jodoh mommy n mer mer..


nota kaki: etta is missin u, she did lost her appetite and mcm byk termenung.. although mer mer xde dgn mommy lagi, mommy harap mer mer dapat doakan mommy dpt jaga etta baik2..

rest in peace my dear baby 8th April 2012 - 6th february 2015

Salam takziah dunia islam TNGA

kehilangan ulama islam kesayangan..

 Tuan Guru Haji Nik Aziz Nik Mat

nota kaki: syurga tertinggi tempatmu insyaAllah 

Misi mencari HUMMER.. =(

Masih dlm proses mencari "hummer".. dah seminggu hummer x balik rumah. Sebelum ni die pernah hilang 3-4 hari n masa tu pon i dah macam org giler cari die.. normally die akan kluar pagi2 waktu kita sebok nak pergi kerja, petang bila kita balik, die dah tunggu depan pintu n x sabar2 nak masuk.. lepas isya dlm jam 10-11 die kluar balik n balik tgh2 pagi dalam jam 4-5pagi..  i slalo la cakap dgn die, knp la mer mer ni suke sshkan hati mommy, kluar balik lambat.. kalau weekend , die jarang kluar sbb die tau i ade kat rumah.. n another things sbb die x suke panas..=(

satu lagi perangai die ni, die hanya makan makanan die.. even bila i letak wetfood die jarang2 nak makan.. boleh kira seumur hidup i dgn die boleh kira berapa kali die nak makan wet food tu.. die hanya tau makanan favourite die RC persian 32 jer.. kalau balik tu mmg sbb nak makan.. ni, sampai sekarang x b alik2 lagi, ntah makan ke tidak? tido mcm mana.. dahla mer mer tu x tahan panas..

i've no idea where;s hes been.. tp hati kuat rasa yg die dgn somebody.. dah berhari2 jalan2 cari kat dlm taman.. tampal poster.. flyers.. tp x gibve up lagi cari mer mer.. exceli dis month due date ubacacing n kutu die.. x sempat lagi bawa pergi vet..

i harap sgt, kalau ade org jumpa, please pulangkan hummer balik.. x kisahla sihat ke x.. i misss my son soo much!! cepat balik tau hummeer.. mommy always miss and waits for u.. mer mer 1st baby mommy.. kerama mer mer, mommy nangis every day.. berkali2 setiap hari kadang2 kat opis pon nangis..

nota kaki: mer mer, please be home!!  mommy & etta miss u sooo much

dimana dimana

he's been missing again!!!

nota kaki : missin u baby

aku kuyup

Mata kecil ku melihat, telinga mendengar.. Tapi hati berdetikk bersoal kenapa.. Mudahnya mulut menyusun kata sambil otak menyusun phrasa.. Tapi hati tetap hati dgn sifatnya berbolak balik.

Melihat titis2 hujan sebagai rahmat biar basah kuyup ia bukan beban.. Mencari helai2 daun hijau dalam terbentang luas kemarau.. Melihat gelas separuh penuh, kosong itu mungkin perlu.. Mencari syukur dalam tiap2 dugaan Tuhan.. Yakin aku itu wajib..

Bukan mempersoal - melangut cuma aku manusia biasa, kadang lupa.. Jangan buta pada yang ada.. Rangkul aku waktu hancur nyawa dan asa.. Aku hanya manusia biasa, kadang sia..

Mencari sayang di dalam benci bukan merendah diri dan tidak membuka hati..

Sukarnya namun aku belajar.. Kelat lidah kita merasa, kata mudah murah percuma..

Up n down

Nowadays, sgt byk perasaan bercampur baur. Perasaan towards environment n even to myself n sometime mengeluhh.. Its soo not cool! N i wonder why do i feel like dat. gggrrrrrr

B.O.R.E.D did i?

Yes or no 😶 Keep reminding my self dat people always have their attitude n emotions(reminder) but i do feel bored. Am i a bored one?

T.I.R.E.D am i?

Yes!! Definitely im tired of my jobless condtion ite now..😥 penat memujuk diri mencari kerja2 kosong n x de hasilnya. Penat pujuk diri sendiri melayan kerenah org. Penat merasa apa yg i rasa sekarang n paling penat sekali bila kene jaga hati sendiri at moment where people play on ur heart n cond. X cool lgsg okay😓

Haisshh.. Mengeluh lagi, Rasullullah SAW elarang sekerasnya mengeluh, kene semangat n usaha! InsyaAllah pasti ada jalannya.

Dah lama avoid untuk write bende2 yg menjurus kepada ketidakpuasan hati, ke-emotion-an n fefeling2 kat sini. Tp x tau nak speak to whom n how.. I just need to get rid of this so called 'perasaan' thus i x  disturb others woth my so peraonal feling. Tp, mampukah? 😧

Semoga Allah kurniakan kesabaran n kecekalan dlm saat2 mcm ni. Emosi sgt cepat twist and kdg2 rasa x leh handle. Hopefully bende2 ni akan berakhir soooon and when i look back, i could smile and glad with all those hard time i could still be me. InsyaAllah..

Period Part 2

waaa... baru perasan post ni x terpost.. padahal dah tersimpan dlm draft lama dah.. phewww pheeww berhabokk =)

After balik from OnG tu, die suggest i makan EPO.. n of course all the cost my mom yg tanggung.. n it doesnt stop there.. start dr jumpa O&G tu, mmg berulang alik hosp selang 3 bulan.. she did ask me tuk makan ubat hormon insead of EPO.. so, i akan makan ubat tu in 3 month time, after that stop for next three month.. during that time, mmg hidup dgn pills and supplements but i x give up sbb i nak period every month! dats my aim.. tp period still x datang every month.. its only come every couple of months tp its teratur n dts make me happy.. a happy i am at dat time =)

but, it still x make me recover fully.. so, bila period x dtg dlm masa 3 month yg makan ubat tu, again i pergi jumpa O&G back.. thank god doctor tu jenis yg support and explain to me in details.. bila u x dtg period, mksdnya ur hormom is not stable, ur ovari could produce an egg and most probably u akan ada masalah untuk get pregnant when u get married.. i was shocked! sapa x nak pregnant n having a baby kan?? so, what i shall do?? i rmember at that time, i was shaking and sad.. but the doc again explain it to me.. its not us, the doc who can guarantee whether u ca have baby or not.. its God (she did say god, as my doc is buddhist) and thats make me smile againn=)

i did continue consuming the pills dr i form 4 sampaila i masuk u.. roughly about 10 years!! give up x yah cakaplaaa.. sentiasa nak give up but im thnakfull sbb my ibu n close friends yg tau masalah i support.. even kakak housemate masa kat uitm pon support n itu antara penyebab i x jadi nak give even kadang2 give up sbb bosan makan ubat..=p  

masa i kat uitm, doc did as me tuk datang on my 3rd day of period.. nak scan PCOS.. what is PCOS.. kita sambung next la eh.. wannna have my sleep nak koje besok!!! jauh nak travellll

Nota kaki : ibu slalu ckp, jgn give up sbb sakit ateh ni sikit je banding ape yg org lain alami.. so, dats part of the reason i kekal positive n x give up on my life.. part 1 kat sini

Beda bukan

Kadang2 x tahu..
Mana yg betul,
Mana yg salah,
Kenapa marah?
X bolehkah teguran dgn cara yg betul?
Perlukah semua mengikut kehendak kita
Manusia...
Ragam n sifat
Semuanya beda..
Kau dan aku
X kan sama..

Satu..
Hormat..
Ragam mungkin berbezaa
Tapi sifat..
Itu semulajadi diri mereka
Berckp itu senang..
Buktikan!

Period Part 1

sebenarnya ini masalah saya dari mula2 akil baligh lagikk.. sejak dari anak dara lagi period saya x teratur.. masa form 2 which is 14 years old ive got my 1st period and yg second datang a year after which masa i form 3! imagine, setahun sekali.. tp masa tu x kisah sgt.. tp masa form 3 tu peliklaa.. sbb my friends ramai yg period teratur.. mcm jeles.. so, once masuk form 4 sy jd memang cuak sebab tak ade period untuk setahun.. so, my mom bawa pergi ke hospital.. 

pergi jumpe doctor & time tu doctor cakap normal lah.. sbb saya stress & i kan remaja. So balik kt umah dengan hampanya.. but, its come with lots of ubat n medication in order tuk make sure my period stable.. but then period datang 2x sebulan.. Again pergi jumpe the same doctor.. masa tu doc tu cakap masalah tu hanya akan solve once i've get married.. and leps tu trus balik without any good explanation from her..

But, instead of that doc, my mom bawa i pergi jumpa OnG trus!! minum air masak byk2 sampai loya to make sure bladder penuh.. then, scan and they notice that my ovari is swollen (my right ovari).. sedih okay!! thats mean, i mmg kne makan ubat yg sgt byk...